Monday, October 24, 2011

House Detective





She's obviously been
with someone new

since she drifts 
now and giggles easy
like she's spent
a few weeks
at a dude ranch
or with some weight lifters
or nudists

a funny sounding accent
has made itself at home
rolls off her tongue
like a cigarette
she tucks
behind her ear
to smoke later

most likely
she'll hit the road
drive the Lincoln Highway
by truck, stop
at mom & pop diners
from here to Omaha

maybe it's because
she's drinking coffee again
but I don't think so



tk/October 2011


Listen as R.A.D. Stainforth steps into the detective role:
(you can visit his excellent blog Black Dogs here)
















image:  Lee Friedlander, from America by Car
to join Magpie Tales creative writing group click here

68 comments:

  1. this does indeed roll off the tongue like a cigarette...
    love this, so playful and Tom Waits-like

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  2. i kind of imagine a girl with a tuck cigarette on her ears... LOL! nice one again Miss Tess! Thanks for the prompt btw...

    JJRod'z

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  3. The little minx. I can just picture that cheeky smile on her face.

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  4. Ah, yes...the new accent, the giggles. Perhaps using new phrases and wearing his jacket too? It's so giddy at the beginning! Loved this one. It brought back wonderful memories.

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  5. I like the Chandeler-esque style here, very darkly observed.
    Jamie.

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  6. I hereby declare this your best poem yet!
    Love it. Immensely. The image is prize-worthy! :-)

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  7. I find it amazing that you write SO MANY wonderful poems. Your tongue keeps rolling -- the pen follows.

    Wow.

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  8. Tess this is now one of my favorites! Yahoo!

    xoxo
    Karena

    Art By Karena

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  9. Love the poem. I’m sitting in a diner now watching… Taking notes.

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  10. Tess i love the characters you create

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  11. You grabbed the reader with your poem ... like a promising screenplay does for a producer!

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  12. "...rolls off her tongue
    like a cigarette
    she tucks
    behind her ear
    to smoke later"

    Just superb.

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  13. What a good little movie..I could go on and on with it...very nice!

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  14. I was hooked from "dude" to "Omaha"... and then some.

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  15. Dare I say "been there, done that"? I haven't, really, but this makes me feel like I did. What fun, Tess!

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

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  16. like some weight lifters or nudists...lol...nice pairing...hmm...yeah when the mood changes and you aint doing anything different...smiles.

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  17. Ooh, I like this very much.

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  18. An intriguing piece, Tess.
    Yes, the 'cigarette' line is superb.

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  19. Great poem
    The third stanza is very nice

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  20. funny how we give ourselves away.....great image- I've always loved Friedlanders work.

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  21. Deceit, romance, and a road trip. The perfect story for a chilly Sunday afternoon. My Magpie Tales this week is In Vince’s Car.

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  22. I think I'll turn around and give her a lift after all.

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  23. Hmmm.... are you telling us something, Tess? Drinking coffee again can lead one down strange paths...

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  24. a funny sounding accent
    has made itself at home

    Don't accents get picked up fast when you meet a new crowd? ♥

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  25. Mid-life crisis? Definitely a fun piece! And Cro Magnon said it best, IMO: 'The little minx.' LOL

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  26. I'm very curious about this piece, Tess... and your writing process. Did you start out with a photo, the idea for a mood, or the concept of the house detective and a smarmy take on a stake-out?

    This poem creates such a mood for me ... don't know whether to be intrigued in a good way with this woman or repelled by the idea of someone watching her long enough to build those suppositions!

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  27. The tell-tale signs always give it away. probably not the coffee...love the giggles : )

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  28. Susan, click on the link to Magpie Tales...it's my creative writing prompt blog, where I post a weekly photo as a starting point for a poem or short vignette.

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  29. Vicki, coffee does tend to have its way with me...

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  30. Intriguing poem. Perfectly expresses those things we intuit but don't know for sure. Sometimes tantalizing, sometimes heartwrenching.

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  31. Friggin' brilliant! I know this woman...cheeky, sassy, alive! Glad to have seen her again, in your poem.

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  32. Linda Sue, do you have her number ...

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  33. I love the way you set this up. Very atmospheric.

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  34. This is a wonderful play on intuition, Tess. The problem with being hyper-intuitive is that you can be dead cert of something, and dead wrong. On the other hand, as Ladycat notes, probably not the coffee...giggles :-)

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  35. I feel kind of bad for this guy she's probably going to leave behind - though maybe he'll find some nudists of his own once she's gone :)

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  36. Dear Tess: Listening to Dylan and feeling this wild wind blowin' free (maybe in a Rover, perhaps?) :) love love love this poem! Especially read by the intimitable R.A.D. Stainforth!

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  37. Oh man I really get such a vivid image here. It is so good I can smell it.

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  38. A remarkably satisfying story, told in a few lively words...

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  39. I really like this! Fantastic writing.

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  40. As always......brilliant write! ;)

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  41. wieght lifters, nudists, cigarettes behind ears - you do it everytime - roll images together beautifully

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  42. Where is the chewing Gum ? if she has all the other things going, I know that has to be somewhere in the mix! Thanks-

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  43. ...and she's wearin' him like some James Dean, smooth tight jeans... loved this Tess...

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  44. I admire her escape! Edgy, confident and rare.

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  45. Living life on the edge, huh? Nicely done.

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  46. Lovely. Really liked this so much. So clever, so cool.

    K.

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  47. I bet she wears her blouse collar turned up too.

    like the play with truck and stop unexpected

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  48. Thanks, Suki...I wondered if anyone would notice that truck stop thing...

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  49. She's got a tongue like an electric eel, and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils ...

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  50. Yeah, she doesn't need chewing gum...

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  51. I REALLY like this! I especially love:
    a funny sounding accent
    has made itself at home
    rolls off her tongue
    like a cigarette
    she tucks
    behind her ear
    to smoke later

    It's the kind of thing that I wish I'd written. just friggin awesome!

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  52. Love the voice... it's great for the poem (which I love). I have a great visual!

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  53. Tess,

    The cigarette-on-ear motif is daring. Haven't known that done in some time.

    Never taken off for Omaha, but I envision wide, fast roads, the only thing fending off loneliness being the 'interior dream', the 'hot love motive'.

    TFool

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  54. This is awesome... I love the imagination and every car does have a different story, a different driver. So many places to go with this prompt. Thanks!

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  55. I knew a gal like that once...she was either my fourth or fifth wife--grin!
    (Maybe both?)

    Tess, you are still amazing as ever, with imagination, and words perfectly placed. Thank you, Girl!

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  56. This so suits the B&W mood of the image!

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  57. Totally cool! Love how it fits the photo so well. Makes me want a sequel!

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  58. Great Tess! Great voice and beautiful verse. B/w pics always fascinate me!

    Hank

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  59. If I hadn't loved the whole (which I did) the third stanza would have won me over completely. The voice is totally convincing.

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  60. This is great... how she relishes her adventure - and freedom.Ohhh to be young again!!

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  62. There are many possibility for her acts, the freedom of take is ours.

    love the read, cool magpie.

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  63. She sounds like a character from 'Who Framed roger Rabbit?'. Delicious!

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Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.
― O. Henry (and me)