Monday, June 6, 2011

father's eye

















I crave a second look
one blink of approval

long to be the apple of yours
or even just a worm in it

lucky book in your hands
the pawn on your chessboard.

If I were a lone cattail at the pond
then maybe I would catch a wink.

They call it the evil eye, but yours
is not so evil, as indifferent.



83 comments:

  1. Longing in silence gets you nowhere...stand up and yell "look at me dammit".

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  2. Dear Tess: Oh the power of father's eyeball on or near Father's Day has conjured in my mind; what's going on behind the eyeball?...oh yes! I guess I can try to recreate a new meme from this concurrent theme...is this a real eyeball or prosthetic? If it is real you've definitely have gotten the Stephen King thing down pat! Here's looking at you, kid! Yikes eyeballs freak me out!

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  3. Chicco, it's a vintage prosthetic glass eye, a piece of my odd magpie collection. It's freaky enough to satisfy. giggle

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  4. mybabyjohn, unfortunately, the "Network" approach has not worked in this situation.

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  5. That was beautifully written. I have to admit it was difficult to think of a story at first it was a shock. Then a poem flowed. Have a wonderful week. :)

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  6. As we have a new Labrador puppy, Lady M has been reading-up all about them. One thing she came up with recently was that Lab's can get so excited that their eyes pop out. I'm pleased to report that she now knows exactly how to pop them back in again! Ain't life interesting.

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  7. Having raised two lab pups, I can believe their eyes could pop out from sheer excitement. Glad I never actually had to pop any back in, though.

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  8. Nothing sadder than a child longing for a parent's attention -- sad at any age.

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  9. That seemed to catch me up...

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  10. That is so sad. Children will do almost anything to gain approval - and attention is a sort of approval.

    (Never heard of Labrador eyes popping out - none of ours ever have, thank goodness. I thought it was more of a spaniel trait - live and learn)

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  11. Tess~ this made me remember a little boy @ our Deaf School here in Indy some 25 years ago. He had been born pre-mature without ears and missing an eye. He was a sweetie but a stinker! When he'd get really mad, he'd flush his prosthetic eye down the toilet... and our Maintenance man would have to fetch it! He did it twice that I remember while working there.

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  12. Powerful and haunting stuff Tess, very well put.

    (Never mind that I almost threw up when I saw the pic as I was reminded instantly of my mother who as guest of honour under a tent in the desert, had to swallow a sheep's eye!!!) Too much first thing in the morning - laughing......I think!

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  13. Bee, WT was once the guest of honor in a tent in the desert and was served goat head, complete with eyes. (ick)

    Sorry about the early morning image. giggle

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  14. Janis, down the toilet, eh? Stinker, indeed. And an unforgettable story.

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  15. So very well stated in this piece. So many emotions.... I find that picture oddly intriguing.

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  16. Tess--Thanks for hosting this. I loved the idea of settling for being the worm in the apple...if not the apple of his eye...

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  17. Eek! This was a disturbing image for me. Ever read the book "We Need to Talk About Kevin?" Anyway, your poem was heartbreaking and tamed my ooginess about the eye a little!

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  18. Longing for just one blink of approval. So true. This was especially chilling considering the unblinking image.

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  19. This is my favorite writing of yours.

    So far.

    Wow.

    (great eye!)

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  20. Eyeball image aside, this work speaks volumes. What I can tell you is "in those days - my days" father's approval was tacit, largely unspoken, and always longed for. Wonderful.

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  21. "indifferent", the worst kind of abuse too for a child to feel.
    Love this!

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  22. this one spoke loudly to me...my fathers was both evil and indifferent...he has been gone now over thirteen yrs, and not a day goes by I dont wish he could have looked at me, really seen me...

    powerful piece

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  23. Hello Tess,

    That's a sad piece of yours.. as for me who always longed for the attention of my father, i can relate to this... btw, i joined your magpie tales weekly photo prompt poem writing... and just did my first attempt... i must admit i had a hard time thinking of topics to represent that 'scary-eye'.... it gives me chills when i first saw it especially when i click it to enlarge... i think my first attempt there would be really memorable co'z of that photo...ahaha... anyway, thanks for the inspiration.(:

    Good day.

    ~Kelvin

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  24. I just talked to my Dad about this subject 2 days ago. He died about 10 years ago. But I still talk to him, just not out loud : ) All is forgiven now. Wish we would have had the conversation when he was still here.

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  25. Wow, great eye. And poem. Thanks, Tess.

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  26. Love the lovely line:
    /if I were a lonely cattail
    at the pond/. Poem manages
    to multi-task much like its
    mother, for it is macabre
    yet touching. Our relationship
    with our parents rarely apes
    the literary and Hallmark models,
    and a daughter who is not
    daddy's darling will long for
    much more than she receives.
    My raising of three stepdaughters
    did not mature into respect and
    love until they moved out of the
    house. I provided shelter, sustenance,
    braces, and prom dresses, but not
    until they flew solo did they discover
    whom they left in the nest.
    Raised without the knowledge of
    who my father was put me into
    a dominion of over-achievers,
    and somehow served me well.

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  27. Father's Eye - I need to send this poem to my dad! Tess your work sends chills down my spine and I sitting on my deck where it is 97 degrees out here!

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  28. "...long to be the apple of yours
    or even just a worm in it..." Priceless.

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  29. As creepy as the eye is, it really is beautifully made.

    Love your magpie.

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  30. This is ... Unique! What a powerful poem. Loved the intensity of it!

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  31. A father's lot was not a giving one. You so well express the child's need for a reaction in a time when fathers feared to reveal their softer side. You must me really really old!

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  32. i look at the place of a father's eyes over the last three generations and it seems to me that they are softer in many respects. kinder. more tolerant. more interested. more understanding. more frightened. steven

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  33. Great, great job, Tess...indifference is just a notch below hatred. This was exceptional...even by your high standards. Vb

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  34. I had my father for sixteen short years ... blessed to know I was the apple of his eye, his first born, cherished. Indifference is a horrible form of abuse ..

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  35. Whew, I actually let out a sigh when you finished reading (I listened and followed along as your read). Powerful.

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  36. Very moving, I was the apple in our home, so this makes me very sad inside to read. Every girl should now how it feels to be the apple.

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  37. Hi Tess~ Clear and powerful. Disdain is far worse than the flashing eyes of passion.
    I reserved Patina today! Am excited because I LOVE your poetry!
    Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

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  38. Margaret, thank you so much for your support, my friend. x

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  39. Great take and wonderful prompt.

    Lisa
    InspiredbyLisa

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  40. One of the 'greatest' sins: INDIFFERENCE! For years I experienced this with a step child. I would rather have been shot dead by this Peep, than experience the suffering. But I kept trying to change INdifferent to 'different'.

    Oh! the pain of that torture!

    PEACE!

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  41. Willow,
    That which we look for is that which we should give.
    rel

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  42. Painful to ponder and feel here the harm wrought by evil indifference.

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  43. This is super, Tess-- it cuts to the bone. I'd really appreciate your take on my response to the prompt-- hope you watched the Piano! xxxj

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  44. this got me.

    and it's timely in that I have been so busy lately being engaged, never wanting to be indifferent...

    hugs.

    deb

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  45. This poem resonates with me Tess. Even humour can be serious when you look inside it. Love the crumpled paper of your theme and the language you use to unfold it. Excellent poem.

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  46. Hi! Willow...
    What a very beautiful poem, the picture compliment your spoken and written words..."perfectly."
    Thanks, for sharing!
    deedee ;-D

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  47. I can't get past the image and the connection with the title. My father cannot handle anything to do with the eye. Can't even touch his own, let alone watch a surgery or something. If I was cruel, I would send him a link to this image. :)

    Did you book come out yet? Still waiting on my copy and had kind of forgotten untill I was reading your words again this morning.

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  48. browsing blogs to get some inspiration for whatever (LOL!)... i came across this. 2 weeks before my birthday i have been thinking that i am no longer have my love's attention for quite sometime. and perhaps until now. it is sometimes frustrating that no matter what you do, it's hard to get someone's attention because he himself has a lot of important things to do.

    nice post...

    jj

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  49. I wondered if he was still around to throw out a gaze as mine is gone...along with any hope of things happening that are longed for. Well written...as if you can do anything but.

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  50. Jeanette, this is the last week to pre-order my book from Finishing Line Press. The number of advance sales will determine my pressrun. It ships August 6. Thanks for you kind support, dear friend. x

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  51. you capture that eternal longing of so many children, both young, and especially as we get older..

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  52. Always poignant to be seeking a parent's approval..you brought it all out..

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  53. I feel your pain in the Tess. I have always been trying to get my mother's attention or really, just caring. I am always the brunt of her worst side, unlike my sister. BTW: tried the turkey-pesto burger recipe...delish! So moist and good. B loved them too. Good job, as always, with the recipe.

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  54. ouch- that was my dad- I gave up seeking approval- some of my sibs still try.....

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  55. Poignant words, and haunting image, Tess. Very heartfelt.

    I'm heading down to see my own dad this weekend, and let's just say, my brother has "stirred some things up" that will make for an "interesting" visit. (and I was so hoping for just a nice, quiet, celebratory chat...) sigh.

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  56. Yikes, kinda scary looking eye! I have a personal story about such an eye -- perhaps that is where the scariness emanates from. Did like your poem -- barbara

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  57. Enjoyed, in an uncomfortable sort of way. the words pulled warmth.... The image at the top, mostly fear.

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  58. Powerful and dripping with disdain! Excellent as usual...

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  59. Deliciously creepy, Tess!

    My fave bit:

    "long to be the apple of yours
    or even just a worm in it."

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  60. This poem is so, so meaningful to me personally! I cannot possibly convey to you just how much it means. I was the apple of my father's eye until I was about 5-6 years old. It was all downhill after that. Many, many years later once he was dead and I was at the end of my 60th year I had an extraordinary spiritual experience that in essence took five years to fully unfold. During that time I studied war and Combat PTSD. I did much reading. The end result was that I came to know that I was always the apple of his eye. But, that WWII Combat PTSD and much of what it includes was with him always, interfering with his life and his love for me.

    I never like my mother (not a very nice person to her children) and I really never cut her any slack. For years now I have had two scrapbooks of hers of her time working and living in London (as an American) for the OWI (the Office of War Information). It has taken me a while to understand that she too was significantly damaged by the war.

    There is always a good reason when relationships go haywire. Once I figure out what to write ... I will be turning these scrapbooks of hers into a book.

    Your father loves you. There is some sad reason that he cannot show it to you. Thank you for this glorious poem!

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  61. ohh! Sad!
    Very well put.. The sadness and want of attention comes out much apparently..

    Thanks for this "eyeful" prompt!
    hugs xox

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  62. Excellent. Great words, lines, purpose, and emotion. Your poem echoes many. Great job.

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  63. You certainly captured the essence of what goes through a person's head when they're trying to get noticed by someone they really look up to. I loved the imagery of the line "If I were a lone cattail at the pond," simply because there aren't too many instances of a lone cattail standing tall. Great stuff!

    And, thank you for providing me the opportunity to try my hand at this too.

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  64. It is beautiful.
    I must confess I have not ordered your book yet because I'm experiencing anxiety when I'm at that site preparing to purchase it. Is there an amazon link?

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  65. Stranger, no Amazon link. On the Finishing Line Press link, the authors are listed in alphabetical order, so you can find me be scrolling down to the "K"s. Thanks for your support, dear friend.

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  66. This a powerful poem one I can relate too very much I've spent a lot of time invisible. Wonderful

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  67. The last couplet really describes what my father is to me.

    There's a sense of tolerance in there. Thank you.

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  68. That's a powerful piece. I have to say it brought back a lot of memories.

    I didn't know about the lab's eyes popping out...I probably would've screamed the house down if I'd seen that LOL

    Bee's response had me rolling LOL

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  69. Thank you for your kind encouraging comments, my friends. This piece was very therapeutic for me to write. You are the best. x

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  70. Sparsely-worded, emotionally-effective.

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Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.
― O. Henry (and me)