Wednesday, August 4, 2010

mrs. brown

After the fiery foreshadowing of an exceptionally long and loud revival meeting, a precocious nine year old decided she’d rather not spend eternity in flames. Hair frizzed from the sulfurous tirade, she slipped from the contest-packed pew and timidly made her way down the blood-red carpeted center isle of the small Midwestern Baptist church. 

“Why did you come forward tonight, my child?” 

She looked up at the preacher with quizzical eyes.  Wasn’t there only one reason to walk down front and make a fool of herself in front of all these people?  She wanted to escape hell, of course. 

“Do you want to be saved?”

She nodded.

“Then follow Mrs. Brown and she’ll show you what to do.”

The girl had seen Mrs. Brown before and didn’t like her.  A big, arrogant, commando woman, she was Sunday School teacher of the older kids.  Mrs. Brown pulled her briskly down the stairs, coffee-table-sized Bible and patent leather purse over her arm, marching, as if they were heading straight to the principle’s office.  Flipping on the light switch in the dark, empty classroom, she pulled out one of the child-sized metal folding chairs and squatted her butt-sprung, olive green, polyester behind down. With a hefty middle-aged hand on each of the girl’s shoulders, she pressed her knee-socked knees to the cold concrete floor.

“Kneel down.”  

Mrs. Brown flopped the big black Bible on her lap and opened it to a spot she had marked with a purple satin ribbon, the ten commandments printed in sparkly gold letters.

“Read this out loud.” 

The girl read the verse, voice shaking a little, as she fumbled the word “everlasting”.

“Now, close your eyes and pray it.”

Looking down at Mrs. Brown’s pointy-toed high heels, the girl shook her head. 

“And, why not?” 

“Because I already believe it.  I don’t need to pray it.”

“Yes you do, you have to.”

Again, the girl refused to pray the prayer.

“Well, alright, then. Get back upstairs.” 

The annoyed Mrs. Brown huffed and pulled the girl to her penny-loafered feet.

                                   ................................................................................

A few months later, the girl was in the back of her friend’s station wagon, on the way to a birthday
party.  Her friend’s mother pulled the car up to the curb and stopped.

“Yoo-hoo! Hi, Carolyn!”

There, in the front yard, was the same Mrs. Brown, sunning her sweaty self on a chaise lawn chair, hair in rollers and her square figure crammed into a green floral swimming suit, complete with a foam Nurse Diesel style built-in bra.  The girls waved as she jumped up, trying to hide certain unsightly parts with those same hefty hands.  






66 comments:

  1. Huh. Serves her right. Not practising what she preaches, is she?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wonder , was it a vision of hell or heaven that she saw............?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oooh! Loved this one. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. That red carpet walk, didn't sound fun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Strangely this reminds me of a time I was at a grown-ups party at a neighbor's house. One of the guests turned out to be one of my teachers who I did not like. She proceeded to get stinking drunk and spent much of her evening poking the bubbles in some crisp Aremenian bread. When she noticed me watching she slurred, "You won't tell anyone about this will you?" With a nod of my head I assured her I wouldn't...until I got back to class on Monday. She was "cordial" to me the rest of the year and never again picked on me.

    Really good one Willow.

    ReplyDelete
  6. hehe. one standard for some, one standard for others...cheers for the little girl...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Amazing what 'teachers' do to children.......
    Wonderfully written, Willow.

    ReplyDelete
  8. stopping by to see how the dilly bread was....i am scared to ask...i hope it was o.k.

    did it turn out????

    i sure hope so....

    kary and teddy
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Kary, the dilly bread is going to make it's manor debut this Saturday night. It should be a breeze. I'll keep you posted!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Also been to a revival meeting or two in my youth. Hell fire if you don't repent and accept. There is so much in this post one could say.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Egad. What a vividly written story! I felt sorry for the little girl--such wisdom in a tiny person. And then that woman. ARGH! Well, as Aoife says, "serves her right, not practicing what she preaches!"

    ReplyDelete
  12. I was completely drawn in. You really could write a great novel, Willow!

    ReplyDelete
  13. It just goes to show God works in mysterious ways. Nice tale.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Very creepy, this Mrs. Brown.

    I read the story twice, but still do not see what was wrong with Mrs. Brown taking a sunbath in a swimsuit. Is it something about her figure that I did not understand?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Great read, love the images, sights and sounds of the piece. amen...bkm

    ReplyDelete
  16. Merisi, it's not the fact that anything was wrong with Mrs. Brown's figure, it's that the tables were turned, and she was on the vulnerable side in the end.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Creepy doesn't begin to describe the experience.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sometimes people with authority let the power go to their head. It's too bad especially in a religious setting. They ruin what could have been a special special experience for someone. Mrs. Brown lost her power when she wasn't in her usual authoritative setting. Chalk one up for the little girl : )

    ReplyDelete
  19. Excellent, Willow! Love this.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Reminds me of a conversation I read once. Something about rather go to hell than have to be in heaven with the likes of Pat Robertson, Ted Hagarty and Jerry Falwell.

    ReplyDelete
  21. So few words, such a clear picture of 'humanity' and innocence. Innocence already soiled by the looks of it.

    Janelle has it about right.

    'unsightly parts'? Like her head?

    Go well Willow into that world between stiff covers.

    ReplyDelete
  22. wonderful take on the theme! and you totally fooled me when i saw the title i was expecting a post on queen victoria!

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Amazing what ANYONE does to children and I wish I had known years ago what I read recently:

    "Children will never remember what we said...but will ALWAYS remember how we made then feel."

    ReplyDelete
  24. Wow, this is wonderful. I wish there were more. :)
    -C

    ReplyDelete
  25. having been at a few of these opportunities to be saved , I was so taken with how this made me feel.
    I went with my best friend, eager for any church at the time, but yeah, the Lord worked in mysterious ways and then some.

    ReplyDelete
  26. They used to say in Wales that the ministers had the bible in one hand, and their ***** in the other.

    I wouldn't know; I never went.

    ReplyDelete
  27. how sweet is revenge? lovely story-happy TT-c

    ReplyDelete
  28. I am that little girl (only I was six) ~ thanks for a moment of sweet revenge! That felt good!! Great story!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. What goes around, comes around.....Mrs Brown.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Really thought provoking Willow, I enjoyed this.

    ReplyDelete
  31. My memories of Sunday School are all happy clapping and singing, maybe I was lucky...or maybe I just didn't want to be saved so never walked up the aisle!

    ReplyDelete
  32. You see what I mean. Dickens. Pure Dickens.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oh the difficulties we create when we add more to the little that we have to accept.

    I felt this one, very well written!

    ReplyDelete
  34. love that the little girl has the guts to tell what she's already believing..and love the end of your story...

    ReplyDelete
  35. A great story, Willow! Bible thumping isn't quite the same over here!

    ReplyDelete
  36. A well-written, realistic rendition of religious life in Appalachia. And, one in particular that was a catalyst to discovering there is so much more...

    ReplyDelete
  37. What a wonderful story - brings back all the horror of my own religious upbringing. shudders...

    ReplyDelete
  38. I was terrified of our Baptist church when I was a child...still am!!!

    Prefer my church under the stars demanding only the faith in my heart!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Heh, heh! Revenge is a dish best served cold!

    ReplyDelete
  40. GRRRRRR...

    This is one of my pet peeves. "Religious" people who ruin God's image before those who are genuinely seeking to know the Real Thing.

    God is into Relationships, not religion. When you subtract relationships, you are left with phariseeism.

    Sorry, you got me on a soap box there!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hi, Just discovered your fascinating blog...and your recipes. I am going to try your salmon recipe with brown sugar, tonight!
    xxoo
    looking forward to more of your blog.
    ps love the photo of the manor...

    ReplyDelete
  42. Thank you, Willow! *blush*

    P.S.:
    Thank you telling me about the appearance of my coffee post on your blogroll today! Very interesting how Blogger frames the images, there is food for thought in there.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Btw,
    upon reading your title today, I immediately thought of the movie "Her Majesty, Mrs. Brown". A whole different Mrs. Brown, though. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  44. Willow, I keep meaning to comment on the fabulous header you have here, and keep forgetting to do so. Also love your photo of Willow Manor in the summer--lovely!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Merisi, I adore Judi Dench as Her Majesty, Mrs. Brown. I have a copy of that movie around here somewhere. It's high time I watch it again!

    ReplyDelete
  46. I want to believe that Mrs. Brown is a character from earlier times or an uneducated place. Hopefully, most people are a little more empathetic to the vulnerability of children these days.... aren't they? It is asking a lot for adults to expect respect when they never offered any in the first place. Mrs. Brown needs to sign up for a few courses in working with children before she actually scars anymore of them. I like the way the story all fit together Willow. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  47. you've definitely got your 'talent on' girl! this was so good - more please xxo

    ReplyDelete
  48. She did escape hell as it turned out.

    ReplyDelete
  49. well told Willow.
    i loved the descriptive images.

    warm smiles,

    ReplyDelete
  50. A beautifully engaging tale, Willow, wonderfully wrought. It is indeed a sad truth that hypocrisy lives on in all areas of life.

    ReplyDelete
  51. I really enjoyed this tale. Too bad there are so many Mrs. Browns in the lives of childen.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I was raised in the Episcopal church, and always went to Sunday School. I took my children to Sunday School in the Presbyterian church. It really wasn't that bad, but now none of us go to church at all. I guess we learned the lessons.

    ReplyDelete
  53. You got me through & through. I loved the voice in this and your treatment of details.

    PS: I'm doing an Inky Letter Movement over @ my blog this week. I'd love to send you a letter, too, just because. :)

    ReplyDelete
  54. Great story. It was this story that connected me to Theme Thursdays yesterday. Thanks for the inspiration and connection.

    ReplyDelete
  55. poor Mrs Brown ~ what a bloomington idiot!
    :) The Bach

    ReplyDelete
  56. HA, Mrs. Brown! You had me with every word. Wonderfully told. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  57. bizarre imagery there, Willow! whoa.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Willow,
    I love Judi Dench and especially as Queen Victoria!
    Enjoy the reunion with her!

    ReplyDelete
  59. glad you found a way to turn BROWN into this delightful tale. you're a peach!

    ReplyDelete

Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.
― O. Henry (and me)