Monday, April 19, 2010

reflections


I had the good fortune this past weekend to host two of my most favorite people in the whole world, the lovely Bach and Lady Wellington at Willow Manor. We had a wonderful weekend doing all our favorite things, eating, antiquing, the movies, (stay tuned for a review later this week) and it even happened to be cold enough for woolly socks and an evening by the fire.

When we were out and about on one of our little excursions, we stopped to have a cupcake in a cute bakery shop. They were fresh out of cupcakes, but we happened to be extremely enamored with a certain mirror on the shop wall. Now, I've heard of skinny mirrors in clothing stores, but bakeries? I guess it's not a bad idea. It certainly doesn't discourage the eating of cupcakes.

As all of us know, there are such things as unbiased mirrors and those magical skinny mirrors. As Bach pointed out to us, this mirror happened to be one of the skinny variety. Unfortunately, this mirror was not for sale. If it had been, we would have been fighting amongst ourselves on who would be the lucky owner.

I adore trying on clothes in a shop with skinny mirrors and great lighting in the fitting rooms. Not only do I feel like a goddess, I end up buying more clothes. But, like Elaine Benes, and the skinny mirrors at Barney's, I sometimes get my purchase home and realize it doesn't look quite as fabulous in my regular unbiased mirror, as it did on the magical one at the store.

I like what Maya Angelou has to say about forgiving ourselves. To be able to look into an unbiased mirror, see our own particular glory, and embrace our capabilities. Just think what we could accomplish, if we could see ourselves in that magical reflection, that forgiving light, and always feel like a million.

I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes - it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, "well, if I'd known better I'd have done better", that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, "I'm sorry", and then you say to yourself, "I'm sorry". If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees themselves as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach. -- Maya Angelou

44 comments:

  1. Thank you Willow and Maya! Those mirrors are tricky.

    ps, Your fish photo is so adorable! Love the skirt too.:)

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  2. I must have one of those mirrors! I want a pair of skinny glasses so no matter which mirror I gaze upon, I am taller and thinner (can we throw taller in there too?). Seriously, great idea for a bakery.

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  3. Brilliant, as always and definitely a mantra we need to keep at the forefront. Then we needn't constantly berate ourselves for our mistakes!

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  4. I know it feels great when we meet people we like.

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  5. Sounds like a wonderful weekend - it just doesn't get any better. And if I can ever forgive myself, I'll know I must be in Nirvanaland.

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  6. Ha, I wish all mirrors were skinny mirrors and every one wore skinny glasses.

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  7. Here's to you and Maya, two wise women.

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  8. What a lovely time you must have all had! I love the fun photos & yeh...one of those mirrors would be nice!
    Really enjoyed your post Willow!

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  9. I've become far more accepting of myself the older I become. Perhaps that's one nice thing about getting older. :-)

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  10. Dear Willow, This is a fun posting which ends on perhaps a more serious note. Although the skinny mirror idea is at first appealing, in the long term it is, as you point out, important to be at one with oneself.

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  11. Willow,
    Those mirrors are wondrous things aren't they. I was wondering who the teenager was taking the pictures, and then thought that perhaps it was The Willow her selfship!
    It is difficult to forgive oneself, the gift is to keep trying
    rel

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  12. Thanks for those thoughts from Maya; I needed that!

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  13. love your thoughts on forgiving yourself...so true willow. smiles. sounds like you had a fun weekend!

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  14. i can't believe you brought up one of my favorite things......
    SKINNY MIRRORS!!!!

    i wonder where you can buy one?
    hahahaha

    xx

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  15. Thanks willow, great post and marvellous excerpt.

    I have noticed that the skinny mirrors always seem to be in the most expensive shops...

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  16. Hello Willow,

    Maybe it was still a good thing that the bakery had run out of cupcakes?!

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  17. forgiving others, sometimes comes easily. forgiving myself, I sometimes resist. but in doing so cause only self-suffering. forgive and move onward.

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  18. I'd like a mirror with built in soft lighting..seen any around??
    Forgiving oneself?...I've learned not to be attached to my bad days..
    thanks for your insight and wisdom!

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  19. Goodness, Maya talked some sense there - as always.

    Great mirror - I want a skinny mirror now

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  20. Rel, I always knew I liked you. x

    Suki, I wholeheartedly agree. For me, it is often hardest to forgive myself.

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  21. Loves Maya Angelou. Say it claim it own it "I forgive myself" I am perfect just the way I am. Now it will happen. M.O.M. (Mind over Matter)
    Visual you will be what ever you want and viola. Now about the topic of emotional garbage...

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  22. Your posts are always full of food for thought (no pun intended). Thanks for the Maya Angelou!

    I recently saw Something the Lord Made and came away completely inspired!

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  23. Very interesting thoughts, I´ll try my best to forgive myself...I sure can do better!

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  24. Willow
    another clever post.. Have a nice day. I have more rain. yvonne

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  25. The skinny mirror in the bakery is a fabulous notion. I highly endorse that. You all look cute there. Glad to hear you had such a lovely weekend--it was beautiful in NC this weekend, and it went by way too quickly. Happy Monday, Willow!

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  26. 'The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.' Wow, there is so much there in the quote by Angelou. It touches upon some perennial themes.

    I am thinking about the huge self esteem industry these days.

    The central important dynamic here is honest self evaluation before growth can occur.

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  27. Thank you for this post today. Love your skinny mirror and the way you always make your readers feel.

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  28. Wonderful post! (And now I KNOW WHY I always spend so much money at Barneys...)

    Forgiveness is such a tricky thing.... at lot depends on who did the hurting - and what exactly they did to you.... or you to them. I do know it DOES feel better to forgive and let go of the pain....but some wrongs cut really deep - and take a long time to heal.

    Three glorious days of sun and warmth in San Francisco....but, sigh, rain is returning later today! Oh well, Mother Nature is glorious - no matter what she brings to us!

    Hugs,

    ♥ Robin ♥

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  29. I have a skinny mirror in my bathroom - I never ceased to be surprised when I catch a glimpse in a store window. Uh oh.

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  30. All mirrors are honest in their own way.

    But none of them tell us the truth.

    Thank goodness.

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  31. Great Photos Willow! I Wonder What Thw Collective Noun is For a Group Of Bloggers is?

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  32. Tony, I don't know. Flock, covey, den? I think I like "band of bloggers".

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  33. You do look fabulous in that mirror! :)

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  34. I try not to look in the mirror much. I am working on that still. Glad you had such a good visit.

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  35. We had so much fun with you and WT! I loved that mirror and the bakery smelled heavenly. Maybe next time they'll have more cupcakes : ) You guys are the best and we always feel very much at home at the Manor.

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  36. I've spent the afternoon going through closets and shelves and feeling disgusted with myself for having bought so many clothes that I've never worn and never will. Why is letting go of them so hard? An admission of failure? Having been duped by those "thin mirrors?
    I think I'm going to go sit outside with a glass of cabernet and look at the trees. Better that than standing in a pile of clothes.

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  37. Maya is right on about many things!

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  38. Love the Angelou quote. I've felt dumpish today and your thoughts gave me a lift.

    Also, the skinny mirror...I so need one of those!

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  39. Had a fantastic time at Willow Manor. Warm ambience, delicious foods, and loving fellowship. What more could a guest ask for? Thanks for a fun weekend and also your take here on the skinny mirror. What a healing thought; that of forgiving yourself. Thanks!
    :) The Bach

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  40. I have one skinny mirror and one fattening one to keep me grounded... sigh. Great pics of you all, who would all look charming in any mirror. Okay, maybe not the carnival sorts... those always freak me out.

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  41. Willow Bach and Lady Wellington: HELLO! Sounds like a fun time had by all! Must be nice! Thin mirrors in a bakery; should be outlawed. That is just wrong. Thin mirrors are real; I saw one in the hospital mirror today. I know I got a paunch all of a sudden no paunch. I like it. I look longer> I am enamoured. I say nah..I dont believe it. Reality tweakers! AS we can be contorted and distorted to a more perfected form. In the mind anything is possible, so how is this so? We cannot accept reality as it is? Why not? Hmmmm. Similarily, the thin lens was first used to excess in the 60's Italian Westerns. Barney's sounds exclusive. We had Harridges and I think this may have been; however, I dont need to look like I stepped out of Vogue anymore. Thank Gosh! (probably wish I could). Is it that we want the "aesthetic" of the thin and elongated or is it that we cannot accept aesthetically one with weight? Peter Paul Reubens the artist extolled women of "larger" virtue. The heavy on skinny is that fashion changes with the times. During depressions (no food)the more shapely model is preferred. And during time of plenty the twiggy type seems to be the ideal. What does this say? Feast and Famine determines our aesthetic mood as a collective and thus the body politic? Something to eschew upon other than my fatty potato chips! Got anymore cupcakes? Pass them over here. I have just purchased a "skinny" mirror. I love those "things appear skinnier than they actually are" mirrors. Although...fat isnt healthy. What to do? Get skinny and have a writing career (or trying to have a writing career). That last one was really too long. This one too. Time to edit. Skinny editor. I got fat blurbs!

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  42. It seems a perfect weekend was had by all dear Willow. Your words of wisdom & those of Maya A's. will be perfect to give to someone close to me who's been doing some considerable self-flagellation recently. We truly are are own harshest critic, when we actually need to be own kindest.
    Millie ^_^

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Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.
― O. Henry (and me)