Saturday, November 21, 2009

thank you, jerry seinfeld

It's almost envelope licking season. I'm still an old fashioned kinda
girl when it comes to Christmas cards. I like to send the real classic
paper kind out to family and friends. I've pared my list down some,
but still mail out about 60 cards.

This time of year, when I lick the envelopes, I'm reminded of the
Seinfeld episode "The Invitations". You remember the one, when
George Costanza convinces his fiancee, Susan Ross, to go with the
cheapo wedding invitations, and she actually dies from licking too
many of the toxic envelopes.

The funny thing is, back in 1996, I spent an entire week with stuff
spread out on the dining room table, putting together a scrapbook of
WT's vintage family photos. Now, mind you, I'm not really a
butterflies and flowers kinds of scrapbooker. I stick with black paper
albums and classic black photo corners, like in my photo, above.
Anyway, every afternoon that week, I was busy licking and sticking
corners in the scrapbook. By four or five o'clock every afternoon, I
felt incredibly dizzy and sick.

On Thursday night that week, "The Invitations" episode of Seinfeld
aired. I was an addict and watched Seinfeld religiously, never
missing a show. Afterwards, I turned to WT and said, "Oh my gosh,
it's licking those stupid corners, that's making me sick!" Sure enough,
the next day, I used a swab instead of licking, and felt completely fine.

Thank you, Jerry Seinfeld, I owe you a debt of gratitude for saving
my life. Like Susan, I might have ended up a casualty of stationery
products.


For all you Seinfeld fans out there, click [HERE] for the Seinfeld Dictionary.
.

69 comments:

  1. Hah! I'll be honest: I HATED Seinfeld. But I'll give it kudos for helping you avoid illness.

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  2. Do you remember that urban legend about the woman who licked the envelope, and then hatched a cockroach in her tongue? Apparently there were cockroach eggs on the flap of the envelope. Oh, goodness.

    It would have been physically impossible, of course. But the legend made the rounds of the internet for years.

    I still lick envelopes, however...

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  3. Jeff, I think I liked Seinfeld so much because of the characters were so much like my real friends and family, and I could relate to the silly superficial circumstances of the episodes.

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  4. This post is close to my heart as I love Seinfeld, and still do. I actually own all 9 seasons, and still watch them regularly.
    Seinfeld saves lives, who knew?

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  5. I never watched a single episode of Seinfeld. But 60 envelopes is still a lot to lick.

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  6. Ahhh....a classic episode. I do miss that show.

    I'm with you, if my photos actually get printed, the albums of choice are black paper with black photo corners.

    Glad you figured out what it was that was making you ill. Envelope glue has gluten in it, by the way. A no-no for me. The photo corners probably do, too.

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  7. I was never a Seinfeld fan, but how crazy is that that an episode clued you in.

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  8. Just make sure you don't make a mistake on your Christmas card photo the way Elaine did.

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  9. I love this story! Too funny that you owe your life to the Seinfeld show. :)

    OK..now I'm really laughing at Pamela Terry and Edward's comment! hee-hee! I'll be checking out your family photo this year for sure!

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  10. Teehee!! Yeah, Pamela, I'll make sure all my buttons are buttoned! :^)

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  11. nice. i wonder if this will help me get out of licking the envelopes this year...hmmm....

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  12. Heh-heh, no, Brian, you'll just have to use a Q-tip and water!

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  13. Bought my Christmas cards on Wednesday -- thanks for the warning!

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  14. I miss Seinfield. You always could expect a belly laugh or two at the least. I think life is a little lighter when there is humor in it on a regular basis. I'm glad you lived to tell the story of the killer photo corners.

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  15. Thank Heaven for Seinfeld,
    where would we be without you?

    What are you using now instead of licking the envelopes?

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  16. Alright, Q-Tips!
    Next time, I shall read the comments before I ask silly questions. ;-)

    When I serve soup, no one asks for bread. Wonder why.

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  17. A narrow escape! Give thanks for Seinfeld! That's one of my favorite episodes, btw.

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  18. Thank you for the warning! I shall not lick Christmas card envelopes this year!

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  19. i sure licked a lot of green stamps for my mom when i was a kid...now i know she was trying to KILL me! oh no, mom!!???

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  20. I adore Seinfeld. That show really captures something so NYC (although it's also got universal appeal).

    I am so glad your life was saved by Seinfeld!

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  21. too funny....but what I REALLY want to say is I LOVE LOVE LOVE your Dr. Zivago hat...really cute..

    have a wonderfull weekend before Thanksgiving.....

    Kary

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  22. Too funny! I've gotten ill from licking too many envelopes. I'm an old fashioned girl to!

    much love

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  23. I am a great fan of Seinfeld and have many of the seasons on DVD. Can't believe you almost died due to stationary causes!

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  24. I love the show and remember that episode. I always felt it was not far fetched that this could happen as the glue on envelopes always tasted somewhat toxic to me. i could definetly see getting sick on licking too many of them.when i was young, I remember my mother having a small glass jar with a sponge that fit perfectly inside. It was very low profile and had a lid. She once told me it was for moistening the glue on stamps and envelopes and so from that time on I always thought that it could be for health reasons. Probably so. . .
    Glad your ok, and hope you use a damp sponge from now on. We wouldn't want to lose you :)

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  25. You used to be able to get little sponges in things like miniature cat bowls from stationers (and children's post office sets) - one could probably use one of them.

    There have been a lot of queasy-sounding stories about envelope adhesive, how it's made, and the like. I suspect they're urban myths - most of them! :)

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  26. I once got a job because the interviewer asked me what my favourite show was. When I said Seinfeld, which I had only discovered late, she was delighted. She said that other candidates had said Masterpiece Theatre or National Geographic. I got to love some of those actors. What happened to Susan, or the soup Nazi?

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  27. Yuck,
    That paste is made where
    they take the horses, don't know
    about COWS. You know the GLUE FACTORY.
    Think about Mad Cow's ????

    Any WHOOOO--- I did 60 cards
    too, it is a job. Quess stamps will be going up agian.

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  28. Thanks for the laugh Willow, my busted foot & I are eternally grateful! MOTH does an annual family Christmas Newsletter. It started out as a protest to an 'acquaintance' who's Chrissie card always contained info. about which of their perfectly brilliant children had won a Rhodes scholarship that year & how many minor European countries they had visited on business since last Chrissie - big yawn.

    MOTH's has now reached legendary status - much to the chagrin of the kids. He updates yearly their traffic fine tabs & who's heading up the Leader Board for the most amount of stupid decisions made that required a parental bale-out. All the good stuff really.
    Millie ^_^

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  29. I'm with you on the classic black paper and the black photo corners. I always have a hard time finding the archival type corners. Glad your still with us! Enjoy your weekend!

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  30. Yikes!! So glad Seinfeld saved your life. Hey, how come WT wasn't sharing the evil envelope-licking???

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  31. Still love Seinfeld...part of my humor dictionary. Foul tasting stickum ...so glad you were saved in the nick of time!

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  32. OH! A favorite episode of mine! You KNOW that Susan was always a bit annoying!

    So glad Jerry was able to reach out and save you!!!!!

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  33. GREAT post! Had a good chuckle cuz I remember that Seinfeld episode!!

    My hubs is gluten intolerant...and did you know they use gluten in many stationary glues??? He always asks me to lick his envelopes for him (boy, that doesn't sound so good, does it?!) Anyways, since I purchase the stationary, we now have those self-sealing types in the house. Fixed that little problemo :>P

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  34. Well good old Seinfeld. So silly, I loved it too.
    QMM

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  35. Seinfeld was just a brilliant show! I was also a Cheers fan! Good old shows. I , of course liked the episode, "The Bet"

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  36. Amazing that all the comments are either about loving or hating Seinfeld. Put me in the loving category! I think I've seen every episode multiple times, as hubby is still an addict.
    You know, of course, you may have to add more peeps to the ol' christmas card list...

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  37. look at me i'm following Otin and Bambi around the blogs... yep I'm a Seinfeld lover but it took a while. George's mother is my fave character...Georgie!!!!!

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  38. Isn't it funny that using a little watery sponge could seem like such a huge invention?

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  39. And just think how many more envelopes you'd have to lick if you sent Festivus cards too!

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  40. I will tell "Susan" about your post. She's actually a friend of mine, here in Los Angeles! And have you been watching Curb Your Enthusiasm?

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  41. I actually saw that episode - a wonderful realization, that's for sure :)

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  42. It would have been a dreadful loss to the blogging world if you had been taken from us due to glue poisoning. Having spent most of my teenage years drinking Bentley's Yorkshire Bitter I have found that I am now immune to most poisons.

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  43. Thank goodness for Jerry! Wow, who would have thought?

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  44. Wow, you send out 60 cards! Good on you for making those people feel special Willow. So few send cards anymore and I'm afraid I'm one of them. I keep saying I'm going to do it every year and keep buying more cards... and there they sit, in the cabinet. *sigh*

    Also loved Jerry and am glad you were saved for us to enjoy.

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  45. And in the stickiness of the envelopes there is gluten. I learned this in the early days of gluten free research. Makes you think, eh?

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  46. It is so good to know that there are still people in the world who send paper greeting cards, It keeps people like me in employment. Long may the tradition continue.

    Just make sure that you have a saucer of water to hand, and a glass of sherry helps set the mood!

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  47. Loved that tv show, and remember this episode well.
    I am so glad you didn't suffer death by stationery glue.

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  48. That glue is disgusting! I was just thinking this week about the time when stamps had to be licked. Yuck!!

    Love your new banner, Willow!

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  49. Hello Willow,

    I've never watched Seinfeld but have to be grateful that your 'addiction' enabled you to remain with us! I'm all for self-seal envelopes and self adhesive stamps!

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  50. I've done enough licking in my time to be grateful for self adhesive envelopes.

    And I used to watch Jerry Seinfeld all the time.

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  51. I've got to get on my annual Christmas Letter which I include in a card.

    We've decided to gift giving will be to charity this year as so many around us are in dire straits.

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  52. I would never have thought something like that would affect one. I remember years ago reading that vegetarians should not lick British stamps because they were made from pig something or other.

    I'm wavering about sending any cards out this year but I'm sure I'll do so in the end. It all seems so wasteful because unless one is a very arty person (like you) that no doubt keeps them to do pretty things with, well they just get thrown out.

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  53. Can't beat those Seinfeld episodes! Still laughing about that one!

    Are we going to end up with warning labels on envelopes?!

    Take care and thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  54. Ha! Better Seinfeld than the bunch of characters I related to on "Roseanne". Mind you, it wasn't all bad, I mean George Clooney was a regular, wasn't he?

    I'm a paper card girl at Christmas too (and you know how I feel about butterflies and flowers).

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  55. Egads! Perhaps I will stick to free e-card holiday greetings this year... (thanks for the excuse!)

    Nah, actually I've decided to use one of the winter photographs of our snow-covered gardens on a card this year.

    Now all I have to do is find a photo-insert card that

    a) has a pagan (Yule) greeting

    b) doesn't have Santa Claus on it

    c) has the photo tabs arranged in landscape format

    Hopefully that doesn't take as long as I think it will.

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  56. One of my favorite episodes too!

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  57. I have avoided licking envelopes (or corners) since that episode! One more thing to worry about...

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  58. After reading some of the comments willow, I shall never lick another envelope! I love sending and receiving cards. Our card this year is a photograph taken on the farm - I shall put it on my blog when we get nearer to the festive season.

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  59. This blog puts a whole new perspective on the french kiss doesn't it? Can you actually spread "envelope glue" disease? How sad that one's kisses would taste like glue.... (and be deadly too)!

    Anyway, I loved Seinfeld and I love your blog and unless you had an allergy to glue ( I do), you would likely have to lick a horde of envelopes before you succumbed to dread disease, I am guessing thousands on a daily basis. Dizziness after sixty probably would suggest an allergy. With anaphylaxis kicking in, that happens with many allergies, one or two glue licks could potentially kill you. I'm glad you managed to stop your licking ways, Willow! A damp sponge makes more sense... (unless you become allergic to touching sponges) he, he. It just wouldn't be blogland without you!

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  60. Damn! Now I have to add stationery products to my list of life's dangers!

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  61. Dr. M & I send out about 80 cards (yikes! That must be wrong. No. Well I think that some people are getting CUT this year LOL). We always write a poem to insert every year. I think I'm going to post them on my blog this year - the 17 days of Christmas or something like that...

    I often make our cards & plan to do it again this year. This means that Dr. M is in charge of envelope closures. I'll warn him about the glue!

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  62. I have a solution to all this holiday stuff....I don't send any cards to anybody. Nobody. Then, when I'm good and satisfied, I sit in a corner and sulk. I believe petulance is an art well practiced this time of year.

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  63. Too funny, Willow.

    Just this morning the professor accused me of being an anti-spendite reminding us of the episode when Jerry was accused of being anti-dentite. How can a show about nothing be so insanely funny?!

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  64. OMWORD, Willow. I have never licked an envelope since that show without wondering about its country of origin and what they used in the glue.

    I have no story of illness but find yours compelling. Who knew Seinfeld could save lives? Glad you watched. I'll send you my address if you want to send me a Christmas card. :) I used to send them and then switched to the infamously hated Christmas letter. Then I started blogging. It saves them the trouble of throwing my writing away. All they have to do now is click on the "X."

    Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

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  65. This happened to me, too! I got married about six months ago, and I was sending my invitations out. After sealing up about thirty envelopes, I felt wretched and was up half the night. After that, I used a sponge to moisten the rest of the envelopes!!!

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  66. Oh my, this little corner of blog world would never have been--and all of us would have missed out on so much! huh, and to think it's all because of watching Seinfeld--a show I tried to watch once or twice but never got into! (however, asI've worked with so many who quote it religiously, I honestly feel like I've seen almost every episode in that I pretty much know what happens. funny that!

    Christmas would not be Christmas without some good splashes of tartan red and the like. I will keep my eyes out for blues like your family tartan too and if I ever find anything simple enough to mail, may have to do just that! :)

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  67. I have woven your family tartan as scarves for a friend a few years ago! It is a lovely tartan.

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  68. Licking envelopes; although I could have licked millions by now having been a clerk in my previous incarnation, I never got into the taste. Even after the peppermint flavour of Hallmark card envelopes. Somehow the old holy roller which saved my life obviously a bequeathed item from my late great auntie who died of you guessed it...licktoomanyenvelopesitis. GEORGE..i can-stand-ya! you should have saved your betrothed. And Jerry..did you ever find your perfected bride? Wonders if there have been any documented deaths from licking envelopes?

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Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.
― O. Henry (and me)