Each moment in time we have it all,
even when we think we don't.
Melody Beattie
Codependence is described as a disease that originates in dysfunctional families where children learn to overcompensate for their parent's disorders, in order to cope, and develop an excessive sensitivity to other's needs. The term "dysfunctional family" originally referred only to families with patterns of interaction associated with alcoholism. It is now, however, recognized as a disease occurring in family systems based on "denial" or "shame based rules."
Living in this environment is much like walking through a psychological minefield. This includes a wide spectrum of pathological emotional interactions in families, but there is always an avoidance of confrontation and inability to resolve conflict. Adult children of dysfunctional families often suffer from a sense of confusion and deprivation, that has continued into their adult life, as well as low self esteem. So, in order to compensate, they are highly approval driven individuals, which often puts them in the position of being taken advantage of, exacerbating the situation.
I highly recommend Melody Beattie's book, Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time, which several years ago, literally changed my life. Certain people in your life may be experts in demonstrating toxic and abusive behavior. They behave in certain ways to provoke or seduce their victims into reacting in certain ways.
Melody Beattie suggests that if we stop giving them the reaction they want, we take all the joy out of it for them. And here's a point that's very important to realize; when you refrain from being controlled by their seduction, regardless of how irrational and rude their behavior is, you then remove yourself from their control and take away their power over you.
Melody Beattie suggests that if we stop giving them the reaction they want, we take all the joy out of it for them. And here's a point that's very important to realize; when you refrain from being controlled by their seduction, regardless of how irrational and rude their behavior is, you then remove yourself from their control and take away their power over you.
It's an on going process, but I've come such a long way. Thank you, Melody for giving me the confidence to rise above hurt and control and embrace a stronger, happy and liberated life. You're a good friend to have.
